At the moment, I am living in a house with a diagnosed bipolar adult whose medication is no longer effective. Isn't that nice and frustrating?

Ugh. I haven't been able to advance my novel in several weeks. I realized that I've reached a barrier, which, coincidentally, is the crux: currently, my main issue is how to advance the main character beyond the recent loss of his wife. I know how the story ends; but the fact is that I don't want to have to walk anybody through emotional loss of that magnitude. I myself have never lost anyone so close to me, and, honestly, when I can avoid sadness or other emotional distresses, I do...

...Recently, a very, very good friend of mine came around to face, after several months without him, the death of her father due to lung cancer. Until just last week, she would never even talk about it, and I had a feeling that it was not healthy for her to completely block it out. Only a few days ago did she start to show me his pictures, and, last night, after a conversation with me about how poorly her boyfriend treats her, and how sometimes we have to deal with being alone because sometimes we are all we have, she broke down and admitted the loss she was feeling without her dad. Then, of course, she had to go, so I let her hang up after telling her to make sure to rest.

Of course I love her very much as a very dear friend of four years or so, but I have NO idea how to help her, and I doubt anyone who has not experienced such loss and recovered could instruct me on how to do that, either.

So, a similar conflict: I would rather just avoid it altogether, but obviously that would be selfish of me to ignore her emotional trauma because I don't know how to deal with it. On the other hand, and at the same time, though, I get the feeling that I won't know how to solve the issue in my novel until I can sort these ideas and feelings out myself. (For awhile, I considered leaving a time-gap in the novel covering the several years which it takes the character to "heal," but then I realized the ending would crash-finish/crash-land/crash in general, and the ending is the most important part in sealing the "message.")

Agh. But anyway. This summer won't last forever. I'll be moving out in exactly two months; and I get the feeling that once all of THAT stress is off my shoulders, writing will come more easily to me.

I was browsing a book awhile ago about the "so-called" link between genius and insanity. For the first time in my experience, it insisted that those suffering artists who were killing themselves left and right or otherwise drinking themselves into numbness were great despite their illnesses, not as a result of them. Right now, I believe that more than anything.

On a more positive note (and to make this babbling journal EVEN LONGER...) I'm all signed up for college classes (at a college I don't want to go to LAWL *ignore*) this upcoming semester, and I'm excited to LEARN!!! And to MEET PEOPLE! And to LIVE AWAY FROM BOTH OF MY PARENTS O JOI. Really, I am excited Especially for my classes (nerd). Of course they're introductory (boring, especially since my AP class kind of covered the basics on my English course), but still they'll be fun. I'm especially looking forward to the class on the Nature of Language, since I think about it all the time anyway! Also, I have Intro. to Lit. Analysis (basically the same as AP English 12 Lit. and Composition), Intro. to Communication, and Intro. to Psychology (also already took two courses of at high school, but WHATEVS!). So, lots of fun stuff for the future. Yay!

Kom igen! Gor som vi gor, ta nagra steg at vanster; lyssna och lar, misse inte chansen, nu ar vi har med CARAMELLDANSEN!

And another thank-you to Ben for my outrageously fantastic subscription !